On the Bush Sup­port Line, we fre­quent­ly receive calls from rur­al and remote health work­ers who want sup­port as they are expe­ri­enc­ing chal­lenges in their work­place. What are some of the ways you and your team can invest time in build­ing a safe and hap­py workplace?

The Gottmans are world-renowned rela­tion­ship gurus who have estab­lished The Gottman Insti­tute and are lead­ers in rela­tion­ship research, edu­ca­tion, and sup­port. They devel­oped The Sound Rela­tion­ship House(1), a con­cept based on decades of research, that out­lines how to build secure part­ner­ships in an inti­mate relationship.

Giv­en how close­ly we live and work with each oth­er in rur­al and remote health, our rela­tion­ships with our col­leagues can be just as impor­tant as those with an inti­mate part­ner. There­fore, we’ve adapt­ed the Gottman’s con­cepts to con­sid­er the nature and needs of build­ing a func­tion­al and hap­py workplace.

When work­ing in rur­al and remote health set­tings, rela­tion­ships can have unique pres­sures and chal­lenges. We can have a lim­it­ed choice of peo­ple around us to form rela­tion­ships with, and some­times we may find our­selves in roles with­in rela­tion­ships that can become quite intense very quick­ly. Some exam­ples of this could include shar­ing a house with a col­league, see­ing them every day at the one pub in town, or play­ing the same sports. In rur­al and remote work­places, we often find that our col­leagues become our friends. When the rela­tion­ship has been built well, and we have a good rela­tion­ship, this may not seem too much of an issue. How­ev­er, this may be a dif­fer­ent sit­u­a­tion if the rela­tion­ship has not been built accord­ing to the builder’s code.
I want you to imag­ine a mul­ti-floor house. Now, imag­ine this house rep­re­sents your work­place, and let’s explore its dif­fer­ent lev­els and structures.

Floor 1: Get­ting to know each oth­er
Do you know all the peo­ple in your work­place? Not just their name, but things about them such as their likes and dis­likes, their cul­tur­al and spir­i­tu­al back­grounds and beliefs, things they enjoy and dis­like about their role, what they do for self-care, what they want to learn more about and what areas they already know a lot about. This would be done with all team mem­bers, regard­less of their role and if they are per­ma­nent, part-time or con­tract staff. Be mind­ful that not every­one likes to share every­thing about them­selves; some are open books, while oth­ers are very pri­vate and will share lit­tle pieces of infor­ma­tion over a long peri­od. How­ev­er, you can learn a lot about a per­son from casu­al con­ver­sa­tion with­out it sound­ing like you are fill­ing in an online dat­ing profile.

Floor 2: Talk­ing nice­ly to each oth­er
Say what you appre­ci­ate about a per­son out loud as hear­ing the pleas­ant things oth­ers think of us is mean­ing­ful. Exam­ples could include, ​“I like how you talk to new patients and spend the time lis­ten­ing to them”, ​“I appre­ci­ate work­ing along­side you in high-stress sit­u­a­tions as I always feel so calm”, and ​“I love how kind you are to peo­ple on the phone, even when they can be chal­leng­ing to deal with.” Oth­er options could be the clin­i­cal skills you admire or appre­ci­ate in someone.

Floor 3: Turn­ing towards some­one for help
Nur­ture an envi­ron­ment where some­one can ask for help and express their needs safe­ly, which requires you to lis­ten and respond with­out judge­ment, but with care and sup­port. I am for­tu­nate to be able to do this with­in my team with any­thing IT-relat­ed. I know that I can go to any­one and, if they don’t know the answer, they will direct me to some­one who may know. They don’t make fun of or judge me, but sup­port and care about what I am doing, even if they have to show me a few times.

Floor 4: Giv­ing peo­ple the ben­e­fit of the doubt
Rather than assum­ing the worst, view sit­u­a­tions through a pos­i­tive lens which, in turn, con­tributes to team cohe­sive­ness. For exam­ple, imag­ine one of your col­leagues rush­ing past you with­out acknowl­edg­ing you. Rather than think­ing things like ​“How rude!” or ​“They are such a snob”, con­sid­er ​“I hope they are OK. I am going to check in to see how they are doing lat­er” as a more help­ful alternative.

Floor 5: Con­flict is OK!
What!?!? Yes, con­flict is absolute­ly OK, but it is how you do it. The Gottmans can pre­dict divorce with 90 per cent accu­ra­cy just by watch­ing how cou­ples argue. All rela­tion­ships should have con­flict; how we man­age that con­flict will either help build our safe and hap­py work­place or watch it crum­ble. Have a look at The Four Horse­men and how to stop them with their anti­dotes : https://​www​.gottman​.com/​b​l​o​g​/​t​h​e​-​f​o​u​r​-​h​o​r​s​e​m​e​n​-​t​h​e​-​a​n​t​i​d​otes/(2) for ways to get bet­ter at effec­tive­ly man­ag­ing con­flict. Try using ​“I” state­ments and ask­ing for what you need. For exam­ple ​“I’m feel­ing frus­trat­ed about need­ing to induct all new con­tract staff as I find it hard to also keep up with my work­load. Would you please organ­ise a ros­ter to do this?” Imag­ine a reply like ​“I’m sorry 

I didn’t realise it was impact­ing your work­load. I had just noticed how great you are at it and did not think about the impli­ca­tions it had on your time. That is a great idea to work out a ros­ter to do it, I will get onto it straight away. Thank you for let­ting me know.” This request and response may be ide­al­is­tic, how­ev­er assertive com­mu­ni­ca­tion often goes this way. If it doesn’t, you know where you stand and what remains in and out of your con­trol mov­ing forward.

Floor 6: Encour­age goals
What are your goals in your work­place? Who do you share your goals with? How can they be achieved? Hav­ing goals and hav­ing them sup­port­ed by col­leagues and man­age­ment in your work­place will help sup­port this lev­el of the hap­py work­place. Review­ing and sup­port­ing goals should occur reg­u­lar­ly and not be a once-a-year dis­cus­sion at review time. 

Floor 7: Hav­ing a shared mean­ing
As a work­place, what is your shared mean­ing? What cul­tures or rit­u­als do you have? For exam­ple, do you have a week­ly shared morn­ing tea, or an acknowl­edge­ment and cake for each team member’s birth­day? What small inten­tions could you imple­ment that would help to bring you all togeth­er as one team? As humans, we are hard-wired for con­nec­tion. When we feel con­nect­ed with oth­ers in our work­place it con­tributes to a hap­pi­er workplace.

The walls of trust and com­mit­ment
We have dis­cussed the impor­tant floors of our rela­tion­ship house, yet the walls of trust and com­mit­ment are essen­tial to hold­ing our home togeth­er. I love Brené Brown’s research and her anal­o­gy of ​“The Mar­ble Jar”(3), where we build trust through small moments or acts, and those moments are like mar­bles. We each have a mar­ble jar with oth­er peo­ple and to build trust, we need to put mar­bles in their jars, whilst they also put mar­bles in our jar. We need some­one to show us they are deserv­ing of our trust (and vice ver­sa) through these small oppor­tu­ni­ties. Brené Brown has also estab­lished ​“The BRAV­ING Inventory”(4), which breaks down trust into sev­en ele­ments. Have a look at them and maybe give them a go some­time this week.

When we have a sol­id house, with eas­i­ly acces­si­ble floors, we have a hap­py and secure work­place. We feel safe, con­nect­ed, set­tled, ground­ed, alert, mind­ful, and com­pas­sion­ate. We are in the opti­mal state to per­form our duties, learn, thrive, and sup­port oth­ers. We can main­tain curios­i­ty and be open to all that comes through our doors.

If you expe­ri­ence chal­lenges in the work­place, you can call the BSL on 1800 805 391, where you will be greet­ed by one of our expe­ri­enced psy­chol­o­gists who will pro­vide you with a safe and con­fi­den­tial space.

1. Scott, J. (2024) What is the sound rela­tion­ship house?, The Gottman Insti­tute. Avail­able at: https://​www​.gottman​.com/​b​l​o​g​/​w​h​a​t​-​i​s​-​t​h​e​-​s​o​u​n​d​-​r​e​l​a​t​i​o​n​s​h​i​p​-​h​ouse/ (Accessed: 5 July 2024).
2. The Gottman Insti­tute (2024) The Four horse­men: The anti­dotes, The Gottman Insti­tute. Avail­able at: https://​www​.gottman​.com/​b​l​o​g​/​t​h​e​-​f​o​u​r​-​h​o​r​s​e​m​e​n​-​t​h​e​-​a​n​t​i​d​otes/ (Accessed: 5 July 2024).
3. Brown, B. (2023) Super­Soul ses­sions: The Anato­my of Trust, Brené Brown. Avail­able at: https://​brene​brown​.com/​v​i​d​e​o​s​/​a​n​a​t​o​m​y​-​t​r​u​s​t​-​v​ideo/ (Accessed: 11 July 2024).
4. Brown, B. (2023) Dare to lead the brav­ing inven­to­ry, Brené Brown. Avail­able at: https://​brene​brown​.com/​w​p​-​c​o​n​t​e​n​t​/​u​p​l​o​a​d​s​/​2​0​2​1​/​1​0​/​D​T​L​_​B​R​A​V​I​N​G​_​1​0​2​2​2​1.pdf (Accessed: 11 July 2024).